Happy Monday to All!

It is a lovely autumn day in Davis, CA, with blue skies, a softly shining sun, and the coolness of new season coming upon us.

Earlier today, I was emailing some friends, and again was expressing gratitude for the today’s lovely weather, but I mis-wrote something I found to be intriguing. It was not a typo. Instead of writing about the blue sky, I wrote “the sky below.” I wondered if this were some sort of premonition, or perhaps a subconscious reflection upon my near death experiences (NDEs.)

Those of who have heard the description of my experiences of what could be my “after life,” know that I found it to be “glorious, with soft, yet brilliant  essence of golden white light. I felt light, floating,  flowing glowing, like another distant star in the universe, yet close to the love of those I’ll leave behind. And at the same time, not leaving them at all—just becoming one with everything.

I had a long, detailed dream about that last night. It was lovely. I can’t say that I’m looking forward to my death, but I’m certainly not afraid of it, and it will be at peace when it comes.

Having been “left behind’ by ones I’ve loved with all my heart, I know that it’s much more difficult to be a survivor-left among the living- than to be the one who is set free. If only there a way to share the peace–the assurance and comfort.

When my mom died, my life changed forever. But then again, the only constant in life IS change. Many of us suffered greatly after my mom’s dying and death, and some of us never fully healed. Sadly, I think my sister Susan, who died in her sleep at age 40, was still suffering form a broken heart when she died. She kept saying to me, “All I want to do is be with Mom.”

Susan was 16 when mom died. I was 13. My little sister Mary was 10. Jim was a senior in high school, Peggy was in college at Chico State, Barb was at UCD, and had just gotten married to Will. Larry was married to Marsha and they lived in Modesto. Paul was living in Oregon, and had just gotten his first job after getting his law degree. He was married to Sue, and they had a baby girl named Becky. Becky was the only grandchild Mom lived to see. She smiled with her eyes so brightly when Paul carried Becky into the ICU to see Mom in the hospital for the very last time. Mom died a few days later, on Dec 19th  1972. Such a long time ago, but with after effects that live within each of us today.

Well, at least the ones who are still on earth. Dad was strong and grieving. He still is. Only now at age 88, is grieving burying his own children, Steven died as an infant from SIDS long ago, then Susan, then Larry, and too so it will be Paul and me.

But this brings me back to my ponderings about “the sky below…”

I have finally found the serenity of living a life of gratefulness–open to accept love, and to give it freely.

I did go skydiving in April, and at that time I was part of the sky.

But the sky below…somehow, the thought, the inkling, soothes me. It warms my smile, and my arms fly open…to it all.

Smile today and let the breeze gently touch your cheek like a kiss from the endless sky.

I’m including some photos I hope you’ll enjoy them too.

[Photos are from Maui in 2009 with Linda, a few months after ALS diagnosis]

Beautiful beach in Maui.

Looking at the sea.

Hooray for the sun!

Stylin' Hawaii 5-0

Snorkle fashion!


Linda and me by the sea!

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